Dating Rule #10- find an activity that doesn’t last more than a couple of hours

Brevity is not only the sole of wit, but it is also the essence of a good date. A Neil Simon play, the male lead(Played by James Caan in the movie version) tells the female lead(played by Marsha mason), after a ten minute introduction, that he’s really enjoyed their time together and thinks it’s time to plan a second date. He leaves and knocks on the door. When she answers, the two begin their second date, much more relaxed.

The key is to leave ‘em wanting more. If you both had a good time, you’ll both eagerly anticipate date two. If one or the other of you didn’t have a good time, keep in mind that one of the ways to limit the damage is to limit the time. If the date was only mildly troublesome and not prolonged agony, you might well recover and be willing to try a second date.

Dating Rule #9- Do something that doesn’t involve high-ticket others

High-ticket others include friends, family, exes, kids, animals, or colleagues. Audiences are fine if you’re an actor giving a performance. They are tricky if you’re trying not to perform and just be. Which is the point of a date. If your first date involves your parents, sibs, workmates, or people who know you and love you, the date is going to feel like an audition. You don’t need other people’s opinion at this point.(If you don’t have enough confidence in your abilities and think you do need the opinions of a bunch of other people, you ought not to be dating yet.) later on, when the two of you know each other and feel a bit more solid, showing each other off and getting feedback from your friends(always a bit dicey) may be cool, but for heaven’s sake, not yet.

Dating Rule #8- Leave time to get to know each other

A date that is chock full of activity keeps you busy, but if the purpose is a change to get to know one another,  some quite time is a great idea. Without a bunch of distracting noice,  activity,  or an audience,  you can talk to and get a sense of one another.

Dating Rule #7- Pick an activity that doesn’t involve a lot of alcohol

Alcohol has been, is now, and will continue to be for the foreseeable future the major drug of abuse in this country (more pilgrims drowned in the canals after getting drunk and falling overboard on saturday nights than were killed by Native Americans). Both of you are going to feel a bit nervous anyway, why add the temptations and problems of alcohol, especially if you have to drive home?

Dating Rule #6 Do something that isn’t competitive

Avoid arm wrestling on the first date. Although some relationships thrive on tension, it’s hard to put competitive feelings in a context when you don’t know each other. Even if you’re not competing with each other, how you deal with someone trying to beat you while the date you’re trying to impress is watching gets pretty dicey. And beating someone on a first date means that one of you feels like a winner and one like a loser. Not a cool idea.

I walk fast. For years it was my primary from of exercise, and I still use it to leep in shape. When I say fast, I mean fast. Often, without realizing it, I’ve left my companions no choice but to carry on a conversation with the back of my head. Oops.  The point is that different people are comfortable with different levels of activity. Bear this in mind before you suggest a saturday hike, roller-blanding, break dancing, or bungee-jumping from a hovering helicopter.

Dating Rule #5-Go to a palce that’s easy to get to

Long car, bus, train, and – god forbid – plane trips may be fun once you get to know one another, but for a first date, it’s really risky, although these trips have occasionally worked out as a way for two people to get to know one another (at least you can talk), you run the risk of using up your tolerance for one another before you arrive at your destination, and then, boy, are you both stuck, whereas, if you’d just gotten to know each other in smaller doses, you may have been okey.

Dating Rule #4 – Go where you can talk without getting thrown out

I know America’s favorite date is a movie, but if you talk to a movie, I will personally come and haunt you. Not only is it rude to the other customers, but it puts your date in the awkward position of either siding with the people who are trying to shush you or talking with you and getting the usher to evict you both.  See the section “Good places for a first date” for a list of places that are cheap and fun and where you two can chat happily away. When it doubt, take a walk.

Happy Dating!