Give a Massage

What you’re going for here is a way to celebrate sensual intimacy independent of sexuality. A massage isn’t seduction, but pleasure; it’s sensual good feelings that aren’t genitally centred, feeling warm, happy, contented – not sexual. Also the idea isn’t you do me and I’ll do you. Treat the massage like a gift; you can get your own massage at a later time.

For a massage, you can either splurge on some good massage oil, use baby oil, or put a drop of almond extract in mineral oil for a lovely scent. Find a flat surface in a comfortably warm room (okey, yeah, a bed will work, but we’re going for sensuous, not sexual here – just keep telling yourself that), and make sure that you’re not messing up your best sheets or towels. Find some soothing music and soft lighting. Too bright isn’t relaxing, and too dark makes it hard to find each other.

If you are giving a full-body massage, remember to include the hands and feet. Because you’re going for intimacy and closeness, not sex here, it’s good idea to exclude genitalia, and always offer the option of underwear kept on. (If the two of you aren’t at that stage of your relationship, offer a hand and foot massage as an alternative to a full body massage or scout up a professional masseuse or masseur. The gift of massage is always lovely but even more special if it’s you personally laying on hands.)

Take your time – at least an hour – and warm up the oil in your hands first.